Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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