I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
