Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
