Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am in a vortex of obligation.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
