I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
