I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
