i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I currently don't understand fingers.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
