Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
