WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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