Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
