That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
