Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
