just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
