i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
