I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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