You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
