I want to have your abortion
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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