I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
