margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
That's intense
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
