It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
