Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
