very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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