I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
