What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
