We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
