You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
