so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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