My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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