you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
