I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
