the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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