I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
