Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
