im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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