You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
