I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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