On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
