So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
