Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
