Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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