It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
handjob tips. give me some.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
