i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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