All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
