He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
