How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
