I got chris browned last night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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