dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
