pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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