conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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