i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
