Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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