Well douche your snatch and let's go!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
