someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
