well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
