you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
